What does it mean to be a man? What was a man created to be and who gets to determine that? I think manhood can best be defined in how he carries himself, especially in relation to how he handles or mishandles Gods greatest gift to him. A woman! This does not only apply to marriage and married life but I believe it starts much much earlier than even the engagement.
Well let’s start with basic science and biology. A man is the testosterone laden one of the human species who plays a part in being a co creator of life on the planet through the act of reproduction. In other words he is a creator by way of being a seed carrier and a dispenser of seeds. The woman is also a co creator by way of receiving the seed of man and being a carrier and a nurturer of that seed. If we stick with just these very basic terms to define both a man and a woman we can come to a safe conclusion what each one’s role is and also understand when either or has stepped out of their natural position. As the seed carrier and nurturer both the man and woman have an obligation to fulfill. For the sake of this writing we’ll stick primarily to the man.
Men are built to protect. Men are built to carry out the lion's share of any work load. Not that a woman can’t. But for a man he is built to access a strength that makes that task not as burdensome or difficult. He has the strength to build, hunt and protect. A man is also built to compete. To prove himself within his tribe to be elite (I’ll explain the importance of this a little later). He has the physical strength to ward off enemies and predators. He is a warrior. He is designed to be a protector and provider. Not that women can’t protect and provide for themselves. But she shouldn’t have to. That’s not the way God designed it.
Being the seed carrier and the one ego gives seed to the woman, all of these complements of manhood are extremely necessary because not only are those important for his wife but they are equally important for him to take care of his children. A man has to be able to protect, provide and guide. To raise a family requires strength and I believe a woman needs to see that strength above all else before she should even consider a man a candidate for her time or the opportunity to procreate. Consider this all through nature it is the male who competes for the right to have the female. Not the other way around. Yet today we’re slipping into a time where women are actually competing to be with a man. Could it be the “man shortage” is making women compete to have a stake at getting a relationship? Could be, but if that’s the case then it’s a faithless act. What God has for each He will give.
I know this is an old fashioned idea but I believe sex should be reserved for marriage. Although this is just not reflected throughout the world (especially in western culture) it doesn’t change the fact that it’s the order in which God established the union of man and woman. Whether there’s a man shortage or not!
This works both ways. If a man will sleep with a woman without marriage being a requirement he is taking advantage of some brokenness or ignorance in her(as it relates to who she is in Christ). If a woman sleeps with a man without marriage being a requirement she is taking advantage of some brokenness or ignorance in him as well. If neither care and choose to have a sexual relationship in spite of godly precepts then maybe that is the reason the divorce rate is so high and both men and women are having a nightmare of a time finding “love.”
As the head a man most definitely has a moral and spiritual obligation to abstain from sexual intercourse before marriage even if the women is willing. And the same goes for the woman. The man has to be disciplined enough to walk away. He should be the first to act. We have to get to a place where we all understand that immoral acts are the evidence of mental, spiritual or emotional brokenness. No healed man or woman would knowingly go against the word of God and degrade themselves or another individual in that way would they!
There are 4 components of manhood that I believe will ultimately make it much more identifiable for women to spot a good man and for men to elevate too. Let’s take a look at them.
Integrity
Discipline
Will power
Compassion
INTEGRITY- this is all about exhibiting a behavior that represents you well regardless of what’s going on outside of oneself. It’s meeting a woman and being responsible and accountable! Not just to yourself but to God as well.
How does this show up in the dating process? A man should go into each encounter with a woman with the objective that he will not leave this woman worse off than she was when he found her by living up to a godly standard. It’s all about being responsible in how you enter her life and how you leave. A man should follow Gods standard for love and marriage.
DISCIPLINE- the ability to hold oneself to a high moral standard or godly precept. That means winning the internal fight to remain morally conscious. We’re bombarded daily with desires and wants that may not be good for us and we have to remain disciplined as a means of staying in our own comfort zone.
How does this show up in dating? This simply comes down to knowing and understanding that if you meet a woman who is operating from an unhealed place, she shouldn’t be taken advantage of, but a man should remain disciplined, understanding that in her current state he may not be good for her. She could be the most beautiful woman in the world and be totally attracted to him but if she is not in a place to receive and reciprocate a healthy love then as a man he should be disciplined enough to see that and not take advantage of the opportunity by having intercourse with her. A man must remain disciplined. Note of course that would take not just discipline but will power, right?
WILL POWER- is the internal (emotional, spiritual and physical) strength required in order to remain disciplined. Sex is an impulse based on sexual urges. Will power is the ability to restrain, contain or control impulses. This is simply knowing when to say “no” and having the power to actually do it. I know, a woman who likes a man, is attractive and is willing to be sexual, yet a man has to say ”no” is probably the greatest act of will power on the planet. I get it! But is that not the point of this writing? To separate the boys from the men? Men practice self control. Men operate with a strong will. Boys, well they take advantage.
How does this show up in dating? No man HAS TO sleep with a woman. It is a weak willed decision if he does. As I’ve mentioned he violates her and himself by taking advantage of a woman who either is ignorant of the spiritual significance of act or is broken in some way.
COMPASSION- spiritual and sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others. I know this sounds dramatic. But stay with me. Any woman who is willing to give of herself sexually without a requirement of marriage is a woman who needs compassion. Men have to evolve to the point where because of our spiritual integrity we remain disciplined in our own spiritual accountability and execute our will power against temptation. And the best way to do that is to be compassionate towards her. If she is willing to give of herself in a sexual way she obviously does not understand it hasn’t adopted the belief of who she is and who she ultimately belongs to.
How does this show up in saying? Herein lies the greatest I of the four. If a man understands that every single woman on the earth belongs to God and is in fact under His hardship and loving care he cannot violate her in any way just because she is willing. He has to be compassionate, not dismissive. He has to minister to her so that she might know that she is already somebody's wife. Namely God’s! A boy will struggle with this because he knows if he speaks to her in this way he drastically cuts down his opportunity to have sexual intercourse with her. There’s no way he would empower her like that. Shy wouldn’t he? Because his plan is to take advantage of the fact that a woman doesn’t know her worth, her value and her status. It’s not loving to take advantage of people. It does even feel good and if it does that’s sadistic. No godly man would.
So it is on these 4 that I present a healthy idea of manhood in the dating and relationship scene. Which has become so convoluted due to the fact that broken people keep finding broken people and they’re both willing to act in their brokenness to feed their sexual appetites.
by Michael L Pearson
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