by Michael Person,
We talked a little earlier about being accountable for your past, the story you tell yourself about your past and how that story can affect your future. So, what about accountability? And why is it required to move forward? Well I’ll tell you. How many failed relationships have you had? I’m not talking about relationships that were short term and for whatever reason it just didn’t work out. I’m talking about relationships where you were fully invested and (to the best of your knowledge) the other person was too. Yet it ended. Whether it was because of cheating, communication issues, trust issues or lack of an emotional connection, what does all of those relationships have in common? You! You’re the common denominator. And because of that very fact it’s incredibly beneficial for you to take advantage of some of your single time and be accountable.
It all starts with being accountable to yourself and for yourself. It’s about being accountable for what you allow yourself to do and what you allow others to do to you. Oftentimes we have bad experiences in relationships because we do not know who we are outside of a relationship. When we allow our emotions to lead us unchecked they will lead us into some very undesirable situations. So when moving forward, accountability is a big deal! Why? I’ll explain.
If we’re accountable to ourselves that means we’re responsible. It means that we will not allow ourselves to be pulled in and out of relationships by every emotion that comes along that feels good. Instead we take responsibility for our choices. But before we can be responsible we must first have areas in our lives where we expect ourselves to be accountable. We should have in place healthy boundaries, rules and limitations to govern behavior when emotions start to kick in.
More likely than not when we are seeking connections with others we have nothing in place to hold ourselves accountable. There is no point in which we have developed limits to what we will or will not do or say. Or what we would even allow a person to do or say to us. Instead we just ride the wave of emotion from one failed relationship to another. For instance what boundary do you have in place when a person says something that you like to hear, want to hear and turns you on? It’s a thin line between a thing said and what it could lead to in an action taken. So although you may hear a thing and it sounds good , I’m you have a boundaries in place that are strong enough to say, “whoa, let's step back and take a moment to manage what I’m feeling”. That’s being a conscious adult who’s accountable to self.
In your time of being single take this oath: “I understand that emotionally in the past I have not held myself accountable for the direction that my emotions have led me. But today I chose to live for my best interests and on purpose. I understand that this only happens with the understanding that what I feel is not in any way a healthy indication of what I need from others. But it is more likely what I need from myself. So today I am prepared to hold myself accountable and choose to satisfy myself wholly without the need for validation from others!”
Taking accountability as we move forward should be easier. We should have many examples of what it feels like in our body when we’re not being accountable for ourselves. Accountability is a strong choice! When I’m accountable I take the experiences from my past (both good and bad) in comparison to the choices I may want to make in my future. And because of the past feelings I can be assured that equally comparable feelings will likely bring about the same outcome.
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